Mindful Mommy Monday: Perspective

Morning mommies!

Thank you everyone for your patience.  I owe you one (blog that is).  The eldest little hoot was home from school last week, I was preparing for an art show this week, on top of the new hoot, Jewelry by Jane Doe, iFBSllc, and running a household - needless to say it was a busy week.  But made it and here we are.

Pictures from the show: Kessel Running with Stormtroopers: STAR WARS group artshow

This is my Jaba the Hut (close ups coming soon) & C3PO piece.

He was righteously trippy!

Baby Yoda by Me! <3

Now, before we get into this weeks blog, I have to say, I had a hard time figuring out what to write about this week.  This past week has really brought the importance of perspective to the forefront.  Everyone experiences each moment differently.  We're needing, wanting, thinking, seeing, and feeling different things.  Even if we're sitting together, living the same moment.  So easily we forget to look through the eyes of our partners and little ones.  As mommies, we're constantly thinking about the main goal (get everyone out of the house on time, get dinner made and everyone fed, make sure we are ready at bed time, etc) and sometimes really SEEING each moment misses us.

When we don't attempt to experience moments as our loved ones do we mistake the cry for comfort as pestering, the helping hand as a correction or reprimand, and so on.  Children will always tell us what they need, as adults we often miss the message.  When the eldest hoot is very exhausted he gets rambunctious and disorderly.  This can easily (as has been before) be mistaken as simple bad behavior and disrespect.  After noticing WHY he was behaving the way he was behaving it became easier to accept him and we were better able to handle him.  Absolutely no harm can come from seeing things from your child's perspective.  Are they tired, hungry, needing a little extra love, feeling overwhelmed, or bored?

A story I heard while researching "Mindful Parenting" was a PRIME example on how damaging it can be to never change your perspective.  The woman was 45 years old.  When she was 10 her father was an FBI agent.  He came home one night after having confiscated a large bag of money from some case.  He put the money in the oven "for safe keeping" and went to bed.  Well, she woke up and wanted to warm pizza.  So, naturally, she put the oven on preheat.  Ten minutes later smoke was taking over the house.  Her father came down stairs screaming at the top of his lunges and tearing her down.  "Why would you do that!?"  "You've ruined my case!"  "That money was very important and you've destroyed it!"  She was terrified.  She had no idea why he was yelling at her.  All she had done was preheat the oven, right?  She was allowed to do that.  Why wasn't he yelling at himself, he put the money in the oven.  Can  you just imagine that things going through her head?!  From that moment on she became very frigid in the kitchen.  She never cooked in that kitchen again and still never learned to really COOK.  She says that she "cooks to survive and barely ever uses the oven."  Her fathers failure to see how she was experiencing that moment created a disconnect that they never recovered.  He never apologized (he probably felt he had done nothing wrong).  Is he a bad parent?  No.  Should he have been more mindful of the things he was saying to his daughter and why?  Yes.

Recently Daddy Hoot and I had a chat about perspective.  I have a bad habit of placing myself in front of a moving train, in more or less words.  Lol.  When I see her temper rising (or assume that it's about to) with Hoot 1 I quickly hop in the middle.  I usually do it by saying something to her, getting up and separating him from the situation, or voicing an easier way to get through this.  I always thought I was helping.  I also always thought she'd know that I was just trying to help.  *SMH*  Tsk. Tsk Tsk.  ASS.U.ME <---- Lol.  Our talk revealed to me, what was really going on.  She voiced that it made her feel like I was reprimanding her parenting or pushing her to the side to parent on my own.  Of course NONE OF THAT IS MY INTENT.  I couldn't believe I hadn't seen the signs for those thoughts.  Maybe I did, but I felt like she should understand and work with me.  Wrong, we BOTH have to see what intentions are understand each other.  This only creates a more cohesive team and more confident parents.  Sharing your partners perspective is just as crucial as sharing your child's.

Now that I've effectively drilled the importance of perspective (speak it into existence lol) into your minds, onto old business.

The Mommy Challenge: How have you guys been doing?  Have you seen any changes in your little ones?  Family interactions?  Partners demeanor?  YOU? :-) Honestly, I've been hap hazardly staying mindful of the challenge this week (see 1st paragraph).  Week 1 was relatively  easy, since it was Thanksgiving.  But with everything going on, slowing down wasn't easy.  I managed to do a few things like read to him more, watch a movie he picked, and a few other things.

Our current book: Everyday Blessings: The Inner Workings of Mindful Parenting - It is, if nothing else, an inspiring read.  The moments that I spend reading that book allow me to keep the progress I am attempting steady.  It recalls my mind to work and forces me to practice.  The book gives you such a clear and beautiful look into parenting and into yourself.  You cannot become a better parent without becoming a better person, it's simply not possible.  Parenting will change you.  Since the book is a ... healthy read, to say the least.  It's taking me some time to finish.  So my goal is to be done reading it by Christmas.  I've picked up so many books in the last few weeks, I have no idea what'll be next.  Lol.

New business!  Check out my YouTube Channel for a coordinating Vlog. <3 I don't know when the idea finally said "Just do it."  But there it is.  Enjoy.  Comment.  Let me know what kinds of things you want to hear about.  I'm here to support all mommies!

Mommy Challenge: Week 3 

(click ^^ for the original blog host)

Could you imagine trying to accomplish something that is absolutely impossible??  That feeling of overwhelming anxiety. :-( Do we really want that for our little ones?

This challenge ties in perfectly to our blog post this week!  We have to make sure we're providing our children with the tools they need to reach the different levels of development successfully.  We have to be mindful of what we expect from them and what they are trying to do.  By giving you child the right amount of responsibility and supervision, you encourage him/her to try new things and never be afraid to experiment.  The perfect combination will keep them from feeling over powered or overwhelmed by new challenges.  When you feel your frustration rise, ask yourself "Have I shown and given my child the tools to make it through this?" "Am I expecting too much?" "What is he actually needing/doing right now?"  

We can do this mommies! <3 Through support and inspiration we're unstoppable! <3

Thank you so much for sticking with me and give my Vlog a peek on YouTube.

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About Mindful Mommy Monday Blogger

Dominique is an owner of In Focus Business Solutions, LLC, mother of two, wife, and student.  She is an experienced Customer Service Trainer and pushes awareness and mindfulness to the forefront of her work.  Her community work is done with mommies and assisting people re-entering the work force.  For more information on iFBS, llc or to contact Dominique email her at: dominiquepap@gmail.com