Acceptance, Attitude, Self Love
This is Part 3 of Loving the Skin You’re In. Click the links below to catch up!
[Part 1] [Part 2]
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!!
Learn to accept YOU! – every curve, every dimple, every shade, every crevice, hump and bump! In order to progress, you must first accept where you are, and who you are. Acceptance leads to confidence and Confidence is Key!
We have a common misconception that Confidence goes hand in hand with self-love. You have to love yourself to be confident right? Yes and no.
Many ladies only achieve that desired level of confidence by adding artificiality and superficiality to the mix via hair weaves, fake nails, make-up, butt shots, breast implants, overpriced clothing and handbags, but is THAT self-love? Do you remember what you look behind the character? Seen your real hair lately? Can you not leave the house without makeup? Are you envious of others? That’s just a little something to think about. Who are you REALLY loving?
Your thoughts create your reality. Sometimes your belief system and how you feel about yourself is more important than anything you can physically do for yourself.
The media of today has led many women (and men) to the edge of self-hate. Whenever you turn on your TV or open a magazine, you are overwhelmed with pictures of skinny, photo-shopped, and airbrushed models that give a false sense of beauty. Most people immediately judge themselves in comparison to an idea of beauty that is not their own. We ALL could look flawless under a centimeter of paint and some graphic editing. Real recognizes Real and I can’t identify myself with any of that media hype. It’s an illusion!
Now on to a more sensitive subject..
Black Women and Self Hate
I am a woman of color, and proud to be, but have not always been. I was very confused coming up about myself and the world. I’d consider myself to be on the caramel/light brown end of the spectrum with the potential to get very tanned in the Summer time. I love that now, but I used to cry because I was darker than the rest of my family and would liberally rub cocoa butter on my body hoping it would lighten me. I remember thinking a relaxer was the standard, while bragging on my long, straight hair. I didn’t know what it meant to be “natural” or that I really had kinky hair without the creamy crack chemicals.
I recall my mother saying things like “Bring home a mixed boy so I can have pretty haired grand babies.” She has more Native American in her with wavy hair, unlike my kinks. I used to consider that to be funny but now I can see the sickness in us all. We are all carrying the scars from a time when we were stripped of our culture and self-knowledge and forced to love something we weren’t.
I remember desiring acceptance from those around me. When I was in Kindergarten I used to tell all the Caucasian kids that my sister was white (she’s not, she’s high yellow with green eyes) as if it would gain me some sort of acceptance.
To make matters even worse, the black people HATED me all through grade school. I was told I had a “white” name or that I spoke too “white.” Whatever the hell that means… I’ve heard all the stereotypical remarks from my fellow people such as, “You think you’re all that because you’re light-skinned” or “because you have Indian in your family.” Darker complexioned women always picked fights with me, put gum in my hair, grouped together just to jump me or exclude me. I couldn’t see at the time that they were hurt too and just as confused. Even the young boys (highly influenced by society and media) promoted the separation and hate of their sisters by saying “I don’t like dark skinned girls” or “she’s pretty....for a dark skinned girl.” How cruel! We are ALL beautiful. Who taught you to hate yourself?
It’s like a new (or not so new) form of mental slavery (google: Willie Lynch). WE ALL HATE OURSELVES. Instead of seeing that we are the same and should unite, you can only see the differences. What a diseased mind state!
Well, those days are long past and I now accept ME. I accept my culture, my heritage, where I came from, how I got here, my family, the trials, tribulations and the things I cannot change. I know that BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL but I also know that my spirit shines brighter than my color. I understand that it took a heaven of a journey and many diverse people to make me who I am today and I ACCEPT THAT! I feel one of my purposes in life is to help women get to know and love themselves again. As Harriet Tubman said, “I freed thousands of slaves, and could have freed thousands more, if they had known they were slaves.” Do you still have a slave mentality?
On a final note, I wanted to say to all the women reading, that we have a responsibility to ourselves and this world. The future passes through us so take care of yourself and take care of each other. If we heal the women, we heal the world. We give our children a fair chance and can influence generations to come. Don't take your womanhood for granted. Love each other. Share with each other. Support each other.
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So, I have been long anticipating the Dark Girls documentary because it delves much deeper into the mental disease of self-hate and the separation amongst our race. The trailer was very touching (I cried lol). Here it is..
*exhale*
Releasing the Negative
I have come up with a few suggestions on releasing negativity from your life. This includes thoughts, energy, and Toxic People.
1. Consider yoga and meditation. Both practices typically improve attitude, mental clarity, energy and confidence. Sometimes we have to retreat inside of ourselves to find ourselves.
2. Gather with some friends in a location with a fire and let it all out! Write out what you wish to release on a piece of paper preferably during the Full Moon. When you’re done, fold it up and wrap it in a black piece of fabric and tie it shut with some kind of natural cording. When everyone has done the same, join around the fire and take turns throwing your burdens into the flames and watching them dissipate. Release!
3. Eliminate toxic people. What do you mean by Toxic People? Toxic people would be those that negatively affect you either directly or indirectly. These people can include anyone from pessimists, to parents, to significant others. Getting rid of toxic people is often the hardest since sometimes you can’t even identify them.
Types of toxic people:
Sexual partners – You may eat right, exercise, meditate and volunteer on the weekends but if you were to have unprotected sex with someone who smokes, eats recklessly, and lives an unhealthy lifestyle, you have officially contaminated your system as well. This would be a direct transfer. Women especially should be on the lookout for these kinds of energy transfers because our wombs remember and absorb EVERYTHING. Contraceptives do not block energy transfers. You take a piece of each spirit that enters you so be careful where you lay! This brings a whole new depth to the meaning of "Sexually Transmitted Diseases." Love yourself!
Pessimists – These people can’t look at the bright side. Their glass is always half empty and never half full. They complain a lot and have a lot of reoccurring negative events in their life. Misery loves company apparently because they want to drag you into their funky drama too! Avoid these people! This may be hard if the pessimist comes in the form of a parent or relative so learn to distance yourself and FILTER. Once you can acknowledge who’s who, it’s easier to act accordingly on your part. Kill it with kindness and keep it moving!
Frienemies/Relationships – These are normally indirect transfers. These are people that appear to have your best interest at heart but are secretly resenting you and sending little hateful energies your way. These people are very hard to identify so pay close attention to patterns. Does your intuition tell you anything when these people are around? Spend some time away and see if you notice any noticeable changes in yourself.
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Positive Affirmations change your vibrations! We all want to hear things that encourage us to feel good about ourselves, but why not tell yourself first! Wake up and gives thanks to be uniquely you! Say it out loud! Really!
-"I am healthy. I am vibrant. I shine as bright as the sun."
-"I love myself. I was made perfectly, just the way I am!"
-"I am safe from negative energies. I am secure."
-"I am exactly where I should be and I have all that I need."
-"I am surrounded with people who love me for me."
- "No one is made like me. I am special. I am unique. I am beautiful!"
Feel free to use your own affirmations based on your own needs. You may speak safety, security, abundance, peace or whatever you desire for yourself. It's all love!! <3
[..Manifest even more greatness into your life by creating a Vision Board [<---read about it]. Show and tell the universe what you desire and use it as a reminder to keep pushing toward your goals..]
Remember to carry an attitude that you are perfect just the way you are. Find your natural glow and let it show! – No bronzer needed! J
- <3 Brooke Jay
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Brooke Johnson aka Brooke Jay is a Social Entrepreneur, Certified Nutrition Consultant, and Wellness Coach, for RAW! on Wheels., a DMV based live vegetarian service.
