Mindful Mommy Monday | Oh Granny!

Hidy-Ho parents!  I have hopes that everyone is well and healthy this week. <3

Question! Have any of you had any grand-parent woes?  Like you live with in-laws, or long visits from "mom" or anything like that?  I don't think I mentioned but Granny Hoot (my grandmother) moved in with us about 3 months ago.  Note: *whispering so far so good to all of the worried relatives. lol.*  But the whole experience brought questions to my mind. 

So this weeks post .. Oh Granny! or Oh! Granny! Lol. 

Depending on your experience

Granny Hoot moved up here at the beginning of April to help with the kiddies and kinda get a change of scenery.  We were very excited and totally appreciative we could offer that to her.  And we are happy she's here.  There's this real huge stereo type that the grands cater to, give EVERYTHING to, and totally "spoil" the kids.  Which to a large extent it's true.  However, on the opposite end I think it their earthly given right to kick back & doddle over the newest generation of THEM, their parents and so on.  May my body be given grace enough to be experiencing this life at 70, you better back up if I wanna give the baby some candy.  Lol.  Now that I've gotten a HOORAH from the grand-parents, there is a point of too much.  There is a place when you are damaging the bond between parent and child, you're blatantly interfering in their parenting choices, and are no longer helping the child.  

Resource: How to Deal with Pushy Parents (YOURS)! "Grand-parents are not obligated to help.  So be thankful for their assistance."

Imagine a beautiful thin, soft, amazing, piece of satin danced between parents & grandparents and you're two years old - wouldn't you want to dance in it?! .. Lol.  I imagine the mind of a 2 yr old working that way when parents and grandparents are around.  I am admittedly a grandma's girl!  Yes, I screamed "I wanna live with Granny!" "I'm going with Granny!" .. so on and so on.  There just wasn't any getting me away. Now, there was nothing wrong at home.  My mom gave us everything we wanted and needed.  I was a happy child with a regular ol' happy childhood.  BUT, when it came my Granny .. O_O .. Lol. I was a brat.  So fast forward to now and I have my own little Me's and Granny Hoot .. and everyone is alive! <3  Of course, there are differences in how she was raised, how she raised her kids, and how we've (Daddy Hoot & I) chosen to raise ours.  That paired with simple personality differences also flare up from time to time.  As they do with any other "ship" you're in with someone.  As far as family tidbits (the towels go here, we put that there, this goes down, we don't ... etc etc) I've found myself saying "Oh! Granny, we..."  Which is where I got the title.  Lol.  I'm sure she's thinking "This child is nuts."

Granny Hoot and Mama Hoot <3

The other day Granny Hoot and I shared views on children and responsibility.  I told Hoot 1 he was responsible for his body.  He's a daredevil and Taz Manian devil in the house.  It seems like he's bumping into or knocking over something 85% of the day.  And generally he's doing something dangerous - like sliding on the stairs in socks, being a "cheetah" in the living room, attempting a head stand near something glass, and the list goes on and on.  Skip to him screaming from a stubbed toe or whining because he bumped his "unfunny" bone.  Lol.  I let him know, "You are responsible for this little body.  If you're running around the house, doing dangerous things, and not paying attention to what's around you - I can't help you.  You know how to to walk, no running inside is a house rule, you run anyway.  If you get hurt you're responsible for that."  She didn't agree.  She didn't totally undermine me, she didn't snatch up Elijah and "save" him, or do anything disrespectful (but she did make mention).  Even in times of difference we still make it work.  Because between those differences is love and good intent.  I've let myself relax a lot since she first got here - being aware that a change has occurred - and being mindful of how I let it affect me.  Daddy Hoot and I also have talks often to make sure we're both comfortable and on the same page with everything.

When dealing with grandparents and in-laws it's best to be assertive in your boundaries but understanding and loving.  Let's remember they've done this a time or two.  And while things have changed - lots of things are the same.  Keep in mind there are some things that we (the new parents) can hush up about and leave alone (Granny Hoot & Nana Hoot (my mother) - let Hoot 1 eat all kinds of crazy foods) but on some things it's OK to not budge (ex. holding the little Hoots accountable and sticking with consequences).  What things you chose will change depending on your families needs.  Make sure you and your spouse/co-parent (Thanks Jade) have open lines of communication and function as a team.  The goals you have for your children and parenting style should be clear.  You should serve as an ally and place of comfort for each other - this will help if tension is tight between either of you and the grandparents.  Make sure the children know that your rules are your rules and no matter what grandparents say your mind won't be changed.  A note to the grandparents - each generation should be taking the best parts of you and adding some of them.  We may not take EVERY offer of advice, we may disagree with some methods, and you may not like some of ours .. at the end of the day you raised your children - it's our turn to raise ours.  With love we say, let us make our "mistakes" (with health & well-being of the kid in mind), take different paths, and raise the next generation.

Resources:
How to Deal with Grandparents
Why Grandparents Should Not Interfere

I hope this weeks post was able to open some lines of communication.  Remember, you are not alone (of course I'm swaying and singing).  Shoot me an email, comment on the blog, find me on IG, Twitter, etc (dPaPiYON), and/or subscribe on YouTube (Vlog posts there)!

Live a FABULESS LIfe

Week 10 of the Mommy Challenge!  Note: I found archives of the weeks. So I'm excited.  I won't have to hunt down for another blog that did it.  How did week 9 go!?  What excuses did you notice you were making for your child .. or making your child come up with for themselves?  I think we did OK.  I still caught myself saying "WHY" at times.  But I didn't allow it to become the focus of whatever Hoot 1 had done.  Daddy Hoot and I talked about the excuse thing and we are continuing to work on that!!  So, week 10.  Raise READERS!  Hoot 1 reads A LOT and Hoot 2 loves to look at pictures inside of books.  Reading is not a problem in our house.  It's looked at as fun!  We take trips to the library, read all together, read stories at bedtime, and during our quiet times I pick up a book of my own.  By reading to your children and showing them that you love to read - you make them love to read!  Let's make a pledge, at least 10-20 minutes of reading with/to your kid(s) each day this week (7 days)!  This can be a bed time story, in the middle of the day, to lay them down for nap, so on and so on.  Let them sit with the book - see the pictures - point and try to read it!! <3

See Boundaries with Kids  by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend book review here. 

Happy parenting!

<3, peace, & sanity!

-Mama Hoot

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About Mindful Mommy Monday Blogger

Dominique is an owner of Jane Doe, LLC, a mother of two, wife, and student.  She is an experienced  Artist Manager, Event Planner, and Branding Consultant.  She pushes awareness and mindfulness to the forefront of her work.  Her community work is done with mommies and assisting people re-entering the work force.  

To contact Dominique email her at: dominiquepap@gmail.com