Mindful Mommy Monday | Martyr Mommy

Happy day mommies

(I wonder if I should start saying "parents" .. do daddies read blog posts?)

Note: Let me apologize now, I am in LOVE with the pictures I found for this post. Lol.

This week we talk about the Martyr Mommy!  Are you a Martyr Mommy?  Are you dating or are married to a Martyr Mommy?  How do we deal?  How do we find MMA (anonymous) and MMR (recovery)? .. Personally, I am a Martyr Mommy in RECOVERY. *taking a bow* Thank you. Thank you.  I've been "go over what they did" clean for about 3 months. Lol.

Yes, Mama Hoot was a full on "I can do it all" "No one can do it as well as me" "I can squeeze 2 weeks of work into 24 hours" raging lunatic.  Lol.  For the record mommies, there is absolutely no way you can work a FT job, spend every waking minute you're home with baby EVERYDAY, clean after baby & partner, have a balanced and peaceful love life, AND stay totally sane & well rounded.  I'm serious.  I know you thought/think you could/can - but you can't.  Lol.  Something suffers.  Your relationship is rocky and you're a little distant.  You're forgetting things at work and missing deadlines.  Trash, laundry, & dishes are flowing over every brim in the house.. ..etc etc.  My point, something loses.  Parents need help.  There is a reason why it takes two people to birth children (please know this is not a stab against single moms or same sex couples DUH).  I do, however, believe that in order to live a healthy fulfilling life with children their has to be more than just you.  Your children also benefit from watching mommy live a healthy happy life (working - going out without them occasionally - investing time in a hobby or pass time) with regular life tribulations that she has to work through.  Our kids need to learn that we are here to keep them safe (to the best our ability), guide them, and love them.  We ARE NOT their servants.  We do not have to lose jobs to drive them EVERY SINGLE place they want to go.  We do not have to lose mates, sanity, or a solid sense of SELF to be parents.


Share moment, a few weeks ago I felt like I was having a total quarter life crisis.  You're laughing (in this moment, I am too a little) but I'm serious.  I just started crying one day and completely let fear take over and I wanted to throw in the towel on everything I was doing.  But I took a more sane approach (clearly).  I sat down with a pencil and notebook.  I started writing down every project I was trying to take on in my work life, personal projects, and included the duties that I manage within the house.  I gave myself allotted hours and days to do certain things.  So I started with work projects.  And what I found out was that I was trying to squeeze in at least 13 hours of work (18 hours on some days) Monday - Friday.  Can you imagine?!  Doing that keeping my children sane & developing properly, loving my wife and giving her the attention she needs, AND keeping up with the house. -__- There was no way .. and not even factor in at least 6-8 hours of sleep per night.  I just stared at the papers .. halfway crying .. half way laughing.  I was a mess.  But what I learned was that I could not be in 233,567 places in one time.  No matter what I WANTED to do - I only have 24 hours in a day and I desperately needed to prioritize, ask for help, and free myself from the choke hold I was putting myself in.

I started asking for help and let them do it to the best of their ability.  I stopped refolding towels and laundry. I stopped REsweeping the kitchen.  I stopped finger wagging and lecturing.  Hoot 1 quickly learned that if you try on 34 outfits a day & throw it on the floor - you have a full day of laundry by the end of the week.  Daddy Hoot learned that having both kids for an entire day - multiple days in a row is a HAND FULL.  And I've  have successfully planned & executed events, no overwhelmed thoughts, and I'm able to express gratitude and appreciation with an easy mind and open heart - EVERYDAY.  As a parent, the freedom you feel by simply saying "I need help" is immeasurable.  If you're in a relationship, don't silently expect that your partner or friends will help.  Sensing your emotions is not their purpose.  God gave you a mouth (and by God I am being very vague meaning the Universe and all beings related) to voice your opinions, your gratitude, and your needs.  Be kind and humble when you reach out .. we (your friends and family) are here to help you experience life the best you can!!

As always I like to leave a few "take-aways" to help or plans & information that I've found help (in addition to asking for help).  First, you have to create a form of discipline for yourself (that is one thing I struggle with).  A process will mean nothing if you don't execute.  Planning will be the key to success!!  Write down major events, chores, and commitments for your family where they are easily accessible.  Note: One of the blog resources I posted is a post about using multiple calendar.  Be a supervisor; not the entire team.  Your family is your team.  Give the kids regular chores that help the family (as long as they are doing it to the best of their ability - don't redo it).  This will help you and help them learn about being an active member of the family and caring their load in life in general.  (If your sweeties rebel against chores - just remember - you have control of the privileges!!)  Be a guide and a teacher - not a servant.  Remember that it is your job to teach your child about being an active member of his life experience.  Cleaning up ever single mess, beckoning to every single call, and completely catering will not help them grow (with age appropriateness in mind of course). The last book I read brings attention to this; the book review will be available on my YouTube station by the end of the week.  Take a moment to be grateful for the things that were accomplished in a day (even if you had the worst day possible).  Take a good look at your schedule - is everything you want to do in 1 day possible?  Give yourself realistic deadlines and truly hold yourself accountable to them.  Find a moment to yourself (even if in the bathroom-or pausing for a second in the kitchen) to check-in with yourself.  Your health, sanity, & time are just as important as everyone else's.

Resources: 
Calendar Planning for Moms
Dreams and Obstacles
Top 4 Excuses Kids Make
Top 3 Excuses Kids Make
Help for Busy Moms
5 Ways Tired Moms Can Bring It

Mindful Mommy CHALLENGE!  Yes, we are still in motion.  How did everyone do on week 8?  Did you find time to be passionate about something?  I spent lots of time expressing passion to my wife and expressing my unwavering passionate love to my family.  Hoot 1 is home from school until August - so we cheer joyfully everyday at 5PM.  Just as a small celebration we made it through another "school" day together. Lol.  Hoot 1 watched and helped me prepare for an artshow I was in and he's asked me to help him get his drawings ready to sell (like I do
with the artists I work with). Lol. So we've been doing fairly well.




Week 9!  Excuses!!  I know in our house we do a lot of asking "WHY did you do that?"  And we genuinely sit and wait for a response.  Expecting it to be well thought out and logical (keep in mind I have a 5yr old).  We badger him for a reason .. EXCUSE .. when he's done something "crazy."  Why are we screaming & rambling on (now taking the attention off of him) and forcing him to come up with an excuse for his actions.  Our script is usually, "Hoot 1 does XYZ because he is ABC" so on so on ad so on.  For a lot of things I truly believe that allowing him to experience the situation instead of trying to control the outcome will greatly improve the relationship.  Why need there be an excuse or reason rather than simply a lesson?  So, do you make excuses for your little ones?  Do you force them to give you a reason for their antics?  Do you let your children be held accountable for their decision?  How do you respond when they are missing out on something because of something they've done or their behavior?  Share here .. with FB .. or email me at dominiquepap@gmail.com.

See you on YouTube!

-<3, patience, and sanity. Lol.-

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About Mindful Mommy Monday Blogger

Dominique is an owner of In Focus Business Solutions, LLC and Jane Doe, LLC, a mother of two, wife, and student.  She is an experienced  Artist Manager, Event Planner, and branding consultant.  She pushes awareness and mindfulness to the forefront of her work.  Her community work is done with mommies and assisting people re-entering the work force.  

To contact Dominique email her at: dominiquepap@gmail.com