I thought I was getting it right until I was enlighted by this journey!
Before starting this journey, it was hard for me to understand how I could be overweight while doing all the right things for my body, as far what I was eating. How could that be? How could I be doing everything that was right for my internal health and yet still be in the obesity range for my BMI and how did I get to this point? How did I go from someone, who from a very young age, was interested in living healthy, who was wanting to be a P.E. teacher, who was teaching aerobics in my 20's and who was extremely active, to someone who was struggling to keep their weight at a heart healthy place.
This journey has helped me to begin examining all of the changes that I've been through in my adult life: from the healthy and lack of healthy choices I've made in my past to my current situation in which I'm trying to understand what has changed, over the last three years, that has put me back to an unhealthy weight gain and high BMI number.
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| Portland, Oregon 2009 |
I realize that a number on the scale isn't always indicative of poor health nor is there a one size fits all perfect weight based on height, so I never really thought about my health in terms of the number that was on the scale and for a long time in my life, I had stopped using one. Quite frankly the scale had become my enemy for a long time because it became a source of what was making me feel bad about who I was and I found myself using the number that was on it as an excuse for why my ex-husband was no longer wanting me in his life. I stopped seeing it as a tool for health and I began to see it as a tool for self-pity. Although I was still smiling on the outside at the time and putting on an external perception of being confident about who I was: on the inside I was falling apart and causing a wounded spirit from my own dialogue. I said a lot of hurtful things to myself internally and it took me a long time to heal from the internal wounds I was causing on myself.
Our beauty is not connected to a number and yet I let that number make me feel inferior to other women, unattractive, and unworthy of love and attention. I let those emotions and self-doubt become an integral part of who I was and it caused me to do different types of fad diets that were unhealthy for my well being and well below a healthy calorie intake, yet nothing that I was doing was changing the way I was feeling. This was all while I was teaching aerobics and was at a healthy weight. I was 125 lbs and in a size 5. I'm now 187 and wearing a size 12. It's interesting, even though I weigh more now, I feel less overweight now than I did then and even though I'm not as active now, I feel healthier than I did then. No doubt it's because I changed my way of thinking. I stopped seeing my self-worth based on a number on the scale and I'm no longer trying to chase a number by any means possible.
While I no longer feel like I need to be a certain weight for acceptance, I do know that my number on the scale in conjunction with my BMI number was putting me onto a dangerous slope and leading me toward chronic health issues. I needed to start this year off by thinking about the way I was doing things and the way I had done things in the past in order to avoid any health issues that I was currently at risk for. I needed to examine why, even as a Vegan, I was still at an unhealthy weight and unable to move past it and I needed to examine what I had done differently since moving here that caused me to put the weight back on. What was I doing there that I wasn't doing here? I will continue to think through this so I can learn from my past mistakes in order to become the healthiest I can be from the lessons I'm learning.Next week I would like to share some of the meals I've been making and information about making meals stretch when you're on a budget.
Peaceful Healthy Longevity
Mary Anne
About our Veggie Tale Blogger
Mary Anne is the owner of Ailgif Studios, Ailgif Media, and Ailgif Memories. She lives with the love of her life, she is a mother of two grown sons, a mother in-law to two daughter in-laws, and a Nonna to a sweet little granddaughter. She is a photographer, videographer, and visual anthropologist with a degree in Mass Communications and a minor in Anthropology. Her primary focus is in documentary photography and ethnographic multi-media projects for an applied purpose. Mary Anne's work as a photographer and videographer has been used by advocacy groups and health organizations to bring awareness to social issues and chronic health issues. She also provides her skills as a photographer to low income individuals in her community who are in need of photography services.
Mary Anne is the owner of Ailgif Studios, Ailgif Media, and Ailgif Memories. She lives with the love of her life, she is a mother of two grown sons, a mother in-law to two daughter in-laws, and a Nonna to a sweet little granddaughter. She is a photographer, videographer, and visual anthropologist with a degree in Mass Communications and a minor in Anthropology. Her primary focus is in documentary photography and ethnographic multi-media projects for an applied purpose. Mary Anne's work as a photographer and videographer has been used by advocacy groups and health organizations to bring awareness to social issues and chronic health issues. She also provides her skills as a photographer to low income individuals in her community who are in need of photography services.
To contact Mary Anne email: maryanne@ailgifstudios.com
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